So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Your tits are I can't wait for
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
