So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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