got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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