I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have tasted many bathrooms
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
