don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
