we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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