I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
