Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
