she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
