Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
