I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
