They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
