Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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