we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My penis needs a shock collar
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
