just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
