just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
