"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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