i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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