Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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