I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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