i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
