Pappa wants mamma naked
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
