You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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