I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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