wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
