He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
