once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
