She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
