Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
