Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
