She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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