belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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