You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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