drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
