You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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