Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
