6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
