Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
