We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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