So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
