the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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