are you so shy because you have an std?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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