hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
