is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
