I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
