Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She bit a glass in half.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
