i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
