dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
