a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
