i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
