he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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