i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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