dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
