Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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