I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
