Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She even gives head with a lisp.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
