Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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